I went to a Matt Good concert recently and there’s this song by him called “suburbia” that I’ve been thinking about. It seems like everyone is set on taking the typical path in North American society. This path often involves the goals of buying a house, a car, maybe several, living in the suburbs, starting a family, etc. And often I think that’s what my goals should be too. I’m not opposed to them, especially starting a family, but I don’t think that’s the lifestyle I want. Most of the goals I’m supposed to have as someone in this society feel completely baseless. I don’t want a house or a car or to live some boring life in suburbia. I don’t want to spend my life in a concrete jungle, trying to find myself among things that don’t feel like they’re meant for me. Sometimes I drive around with my family or friends, and I look at all the cars on the road, and the people inside them usually look miserable. Maybe I’m projecting my thoughts on them. But there are so many people living double lives (another great tune by Matt Good). I wonder how many people get married for love verses treating it as some sort of financial contract? I know some people who treat it exactly like that. I wonder how many people have possibly met what could have been the love of their lives but lost it because they didn’t fit their financial lifestyle goals, and instead settled for someone who made more money, only to spend their lives living with someone they feel nothing for? It’s strange but I often feel so disconnected from it all. And I feel like I’m judged for not caring much for these things. I don’t really know what I want, but I don’t want to feel like a prisoner of this empty ideal.
Check out the song if you’re interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3-l1EqfTLM